Tuesday, December 11, 2018

Hot Yoga and Peace on Earth

I just sat down to video tape myself looking silly and foolish (is that anything new?) so that I could create a spontaneous, off-rhythm rap for my friend who I miss and because I thought it would bring her cheer. I didn't have to try hard to create an off-beat rhyme. I couldn't have manufactured something so ridiculous if I tried. These things just sort of come naturally.

What comes naturally to you? 

Yesterday, I tried hot yoga for the first time ever. I think I knew deep down it would be something I would like so I wasn't too afraid of trying it, but still, it was new, and I did wonder how my body would respond. I like heat and challenges though.

I noticed a couple things during the hour long session (I was grateful it was the express class). 

1. I like doing yoga better in the heat. I like sweating it all out. All the toxins. Even if my skin did breakout two minutes after leaving class. Errr, gross, I know.

2. We can survive in the room for the whole time. I felt a sense of community with the others, knowing it wasn't necessarily 'easy' for anyone. Yet, we still do it because it's a good thing and it feels good. It's a strange solidarity.

 3. I often don't give myself permission to be a beginner. It takes time to learn the flow of anything new, and often I expect myself to catch on and match whatever pace is happening around me. I am realizing yoga can be a help to me to pay attention to my body. Lie down when needed. Breathe. Breathe some more. This does not come naturally to me, but it actually feels better in the long run when I do it.

Ahh, yoga. Ahh, peace.

I have a Christmas decoration that says "Peace on Earth." I kept it up all of last year, that's how much I liked it.

Is peace really possible in this chaotic world?

I grappled with peace this year, and the phrase that kept coming back to my heart has been, "do you want understanding or do you want Jesus?" I know God has been asking me, especially over the past few months, to stretch my imagination to something new for me. It seems like my go-to way of living for a long time and a way to quench my longings, my questions, and my misunderstandings of life has been to try and find concrete answers and understanding. While some understanding isn't bad in itself, instead of seeking Jesus and having a restful heart in Him, I would find myself having to keep the pace, and keep searching for what I was looking for. Sometimes, life is deceiving because it seems to produce the outcomes or answers I want, but often it doesn't, and I'm left determining where to go from there. 

Life can feel disappointing, outcomes don't match expectations, it's easy to feel like you're going to crumble under the weight of whatever is breaking your heart.

Input the question of peace in this chaotic world? 

A verse comes to mind, and
I think I am still in process with it: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

This is what I desire all the time. What of a heart that feels undone, left lurking in an unknown future? For a girl who has often gotten lost and trapped here, there's somehow a sense of peace with the unknowing right now. Speaking this out loud and letting this be true is beautiful. 

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