Sunday, September 2, 2018

September redux

It will be year number three living in Phoenix as of tomorrow. I can't believe it. Timbler can't believe it -- yes he's coming out from the shadows! He has been in hibernation for a long time.

I've had a love/hate relationship with fall for as long as I can remember. Who are my friends who do not care about pumpkin spice lattes? Anyone else?

Even while living in one of the hottest places on Earth, my heart still beats for summer. Everyone's laid back, flexible schedule, taking beach days, wearing swim suits as my main wardrobe for three months are my favorites. I am sure deep down I belong in a water town but somehow, I am living and trying to thrive, rather than just survive, in a desert.

This year, summer brought changes and transition when usually I think of fall that way. We're never immune; change comes when it wants to. And it will surely come again. On the plus side, while the summer months threatened to crash into me, emotionally and spiritually and physically at times, summer, in all its glory, was also healing to me. The sun and the water (where I could find it) and the beach (when I traveled to it).

September, I am ready for you. Phoenix, year three, I'm not afraid of you.

Phoenix sometimes feels so homey and sometimes feels completely fresh and new even though I am now coming on three years here.

I am so thankful for the ways I am digging in roots and ways that people and places feel way more familiar than it ever did, that day in September three years ago. Isn't it cool to look back, to gaze ahead with hope, and yet to still be where we are today?

I am learning where I am is the ONLY PLACE I CAN REALLY BE. I can try to fight it or wish for something different, as believe me some days I have, but God is teaching me to have a still heart before Him. Does that ever happen to you?

Calm yourself, child..  I feel Him putting His hand on my shoulder, just guiding me toward rest and guiding me toward finding peace with where I am, letting me know it will all be okay. And you know what, it really is. Just keep going, day by day.

It is so good of God to help us with the thing that is hardest for us, almost like looking back in the rear view mirror and seeing that He was there, because in our hard times, we may not be able to put the right words to what's happening or what we need or even what exactly is the thing that's hardest for us. We just know He is there during the hard times. 

That's all I have for now, except, that the adventure continues. 

Also, I guess God knows the thing that is hardest for me after all which is trusting in the unknowns.  I'm realizing more and more that our lives are not defined by the outcomes, even when that would be so convenient and neat, wouldn't it? Like neat, cool, but also, neat, tidy. I'm guilty for looking for an outcome, but the peace I really want is not the peace that would provide. I know God offers a peace that surpasses understanding. Do I want understanding or do I want Jesus? 

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