tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-51166755415964147772024-03-19T03:36:49.613-07:0087 CoffeesJulie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-8301293862957667822018-12-31T16:51:00.002-08:002018-12-31T16:51:55.556-08:00Happy New Year<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Happy New Year!<br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I have no expectations for myself for New Year's. I want to be gentle with myself. And gentle with others.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Yes, it's a blank new page for a new year. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">The blank page used to terrify me. Now I see the possibilities and twists in the story really do make it interesting.</span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't have any revolutionary reflections that I'm bringing with me into 2019. It's day by day and the good news is here we are. Ready for another page turn on the calendar. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">We're still breathing!</span><br />
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I<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"> think about the verse in Psalm 73: "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart </span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">and my portion forever." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Through times of great change, heartache, longing and numbness this year, I know there have been also times of love, hope, friendship, grace, laughter, and surprises. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">With all that, I am reminded of my tendency to want to take a big picture view. It helps make things easier I think, and also, taking the long view is a more hopeful way of looking at life, because hope is one thing that is for certain. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">Still, I have to be reminded sometimes of my true need before God, in ways that can't just be explained away or something that can't be fixed by me cheering myself up enough or even by praying enough or calling a friend or even through writing. I found out this year that nothing I could do eased the pain deep down.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I'm finding that just like memories sneak up on me, so does God. But God makes Himself known to me that He is still here, and that He is going to provide for needs I didn't know I had. Maybe not in ways I expect. He is gentle with me, and shows me that this is the way to healing. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">I don't know if your new year is happy or not, but I pray you would be gentle with yourself and know you are loved and that your heart would be filled with hope this year. </span><br />
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<br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-19326348416491957032018-12-11T20:14:00.001-08:002019-01-03T20:47:00.423-08:00Hot Yoga and Peace on Earth<div>
<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I just sat down to video tape myself looking silly and foolish (is that anything new?) so that I could create a spontaneous, off-rhythm rap for my friend who I miss and because I thought it would bring her cheer. I didn't have to try hard to create an off-beat rhyme. I couldn't have manufactured something so ridiculous if I tried. These things just sort of come naturally.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><i>What comes naturally to you? </i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yesterday, I tried hot yoga for the first time ever. I think I knew deep down it would be something I would like so I wasn't too afraid of trying it, but still, it was new, and I did wonder how my body would respond. I like heat and challenges though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I noticed a couple things during the hour long session (I was grateful it was the express class). </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1. I like doing yoga better in the heat. I like sweating it all out. All the toxins. Even if my skin did breakout two minutes after leaving class. Errr, gross, I know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2. We can survive in the room for the whole time. I felt a sense of community with the others, knowing it wasn't necessarily 'easy' for anyone. Yet, we still do it because it's a good thing and it feels good. It's a strange solidarity.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">3. I often don't give myself permission to be a beginner. It takes time to learn the flow of anything new, and often I expect myself to catch on and match whatever pace is happening around me. I am realizing yoga can be a help to me to pay attention to my body. Lie down when needed. Breathe. Breathe some more. This does not come naturally to me, but it actually feels better in the long run when I do it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ahh, yoga. Ahh, peace.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have a Christmas decoration that says "Peace on Earth." I kept it up all of last year, that's how much I liked it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Is peace really possible in this chaotic world?</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I grappled with peace this year, and the phrase that kept coming back to my heart has been, "do you want understanding or do you want Jesus?" I know God has been asking me, especially over the past few months, to stretch my imagination to something new for me. It seems like my go-to way of living for a long time and a way to quench my longings, my questions, and my misunderstandings of life has been to try and find concrete answers and understanding. While some understanding isn't bad in itself, instead of seeking Jesus and having a restful heart in Him, I would find myself having to keep the pace, and keep searching for what I was looking for. Sometimes, life is deceiving because it seems to produce the outcomes or answers I want, but often it doesn't, and I'm left determining where to go from there. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Life can feel disappointing, outcomes don't match expectations, it's easy to feel like you're going to crumble under the weight of whatever is breaking your heart.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Input the question of peace in this chaotic world? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />A verse comes to mind, and </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think I am still in process with it: "You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is what I desire all the time. What of a heart that feels undone, left lurking in an unknown future? For a girl who has often gotten lost and trapped here, there's somehow a sense of peace with the unknowing right now. Speaking this out loud and letting this be true is beautiful. </span></div>
Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-26452069936887545332018-10-17T22:49:00.002-07:002019-01-03T20:50:44.169-08:00You can do hard things<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I keep reminding myself of my friend's voice that has told me many times during this recent difficult season, "you can do hard things." </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When experiencing a deeply challenging time period, it is common to want to check out, shut off from the world, numb or escape, but the feelings, issues, or problems still eventually rise to the surface and my friend's voice comes blasting through when I try to remember that I can do hard things.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This may look like confronting an issue or making choices to take care of ourselves, engage in community, whatever it is for each of us. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Maybe it is not the easiest choice but a choice after all that moves us forward. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So my prayer tonight is to keep being able to do hard things, balanced with soul rest. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I pray that for you, too, tonight, friends.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I keep finding that one way out of the rut of my heartache is prayer, even when I don't want to pray, or when I find myself hurting, or lost for words, or feeling stuck. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Writing is this for me, too. Writing as a prayer. Writing as a way through my stuck-ness, a way to be totally honest, when regular life and small talk feels fake, and everything feels so unnatural lately. There is an uneasiness in me I am not used to, like my insides could burst out and be exposed at any moment. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you need to express yourself (and who doesn't?), what helps you do that? <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I've been so grateful for words during this season and places that encourage creative expression, freedom with your voice, and vehicles for writing and wordplay and storytelling. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i></i><i></i><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm not sure why I feel like I will cry when I pray lately but that's a thing. I want to cure it all through laughter and comedic words but sometimes the only way out is through so I embrace the cry-pray, cry-pray pattern and when I have more days when I feel free and good, it's wonderful, and I think the grief and stress are gone, but then</span> they are<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> not.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I tell myself what I know is true: it won't always be this way. Still, I don't want to store up my living for another day. As hard as it is to do hard things, I remind myself that whatever choice lies in front of me that I need to do to keep trying to live well, that's what I've got to do. It's amazing how a mind and a heart need those small reminders. Take care of yourself. Take care of your heart. Give yourself time, grace, space. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You can do hard things. I can do hard things. Let's cheer each other on...</span><br />
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Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-2043501864814208912018-10-11T22:48:00.002-07:002018-10-11T23:35:45.165-07:00Fifteen<div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am 15 and my high school best friend, Jodi, and I are walking around the reservoir, our favorite place to walk because it is quiet and surrounded by water and trees, and it feels to us as</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> majestic as a big lake. We go there for walking, but mainly talking.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Here is a short list of things we might talk about: school, musicals we are in together, practices for the musicals keeping us at school late at night, other activities we do that keep us at school later (</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">is it even legal to keep kids at school all hours of the night), boys, water activities, boys, family stuff, the future, solving the world's problems.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Isn't life grand??? As weird as life is at 15, it's never THAT bad with a friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">***</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I wish I could remember more of the walks and conversations I had when I was a teenager, but I just know it helped me get through the most awkward years. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I work with teens now and I consider all their questions and uneasiness about themselves and the future and think that I was a lucky one. Even</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">when there were plenty of things to complain or be confused about, everything is better with a good friend.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jodi paved the way and was one of my first true friends, the kind that sticks by you.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I write about home and the topic of moves and starts and restarts, but I don't often talk about my hometown, Findlay, Ohio. Flag City, USA. Nestled away from the world, a city onto itself.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If I'm honest, most parts of me want to say I'm from anywhere else, any of the other places I've lived. I'll say I'm from North Carolina, even though I lived there far after I was raised. I will always consider myself 'from' there in a way. It's such a home to me. And yet, I didn't start out there. I didn't even start out in Cleveland, which is the other place I say I'm from, where my family lives and where I go when I visit family. It's the home that got away. I used to say I wished I would have been raised there.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But the home I got was the home I got and it was the one that formed me. And for better or worse I've made peace with it and actually still feel a connection with Findlay, Ohio, however distant I still have m</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">anaged to stay all these years in miles and heart. </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">La<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ter in life I have wondered what came first, my drive to get out of that town or my sense of adventure. </span></span></i></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><i></i><i></i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Once in awhile I also wonder what would have happened if I stumbled upon my future husband when I was 15 like Jodi. Would I have stayed? </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I already know the answer to that question, but it is interesting anyway. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">As for Jodi, her story is a total movie. Literally. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We were at Family Video renting a movie when she first talked to her now husband. It was our Sophomore year and that year she went to homecoming with him and I went with a guy that I never spoke to again after that year. That was a million years ago! What if we had grown up in today's time when there are not video stores? Maybe they would have met doing Pokémon Go or something. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you are young, go<i> outside</i> or go places with your friends, you never know what will happen. Not just because of meeting a future husband or wife (I don't think those are good odds, anyway), but this can be a great thing. If you're not young, pick up the phone and call a friend and invite them to do something in real life. You don't have to wait for someone to call you.</span></div>
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J<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">odi is one of those friends that keeps the memory of a strange past experience with a small town alive. It only takes one positive memory to blot out a bunch of negative junk. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have this dream from time to time and in it are</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> some old friends who didn't want to be my friend as I got older. When we were in high school, we basically stopped being friends all together, and it never made sense to me. Now, I would guess we </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">drifted or became different people. Back then it felt like they stopped liking me for me and I didn't understand after being friends for a long time.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Most of us have probably had a story of friendship gone sour. Good thing this dream usually involves one of my</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> favorite ice cream parlors in town, so it's like a combination of a stand off with these people and something truly delicious and sweet.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Even in the dream, I can almost taste the flavors of the orange and vanilla soft serve swirl. I would go back to Findlay just for that.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Although in a dream everything can feel so real, this part of my past was a LONG time ago.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> That helps me step back and look for the good things in it, too.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> The reservoir.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Growing up in a safe town. Everyone knows</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> everything about everyone, and while I didn't like that at all, when you find the right people, you are known.</span></div>
Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-34165970387253272622018-10-06T22:03:00.000-07:002019-01-03T20:54:03.790-08:00Bargain Shopping<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I tried to make it to Anthropology today but walked inside Macy's instead. I landed in the shoe department. I thought it would be a quick trip. Then I found four pairs of shoes for forty percent off each,<i> which I told myself was a bargain</i>. Somewhere in there I got an extra ten percent off too, but it almost felt like buying a plane ticket, a cheap plane ticket mind you, but still a plane ticket. When I consider whether I would rather buy shoes or plane tickets, as much as the smell and look of a fresh pair of boots is enticing, I still choose travel any day.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I tried to make it to Anthropology because I remember the great experience there earlier this year meeting Mae, and finding the perfect jumpsuit, which actually looks entirely like a dress, so really it doubles as both. The perfect jumpsuit dress was also a perfect bargain. Long and flowy and turquoise.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The perfect turquoise jumpsuit dress was a dream buy, especially for someone who doesn't like to shop. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It was January and I needed an outfit fast. Maybe I'll get lucky if I go to a store I don't shop at often, I thought to myself, and started scurrying around, eager for a magical clothing item to jump out at me. That's when I met Mae. She wasn't a magical clothing item, but she was her own kind of magic. She was friendly and we were both chatty. She talked with me about where I was going.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">'I'm speaking at a storytelling event...in front of a couple hundred people," I told her. </span><br />
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O<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">nly a couple minutes later, I found the dress and started getting excited. She agreed that it was the right pick. 'I know it's winter but..' </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I started telling her a little about what the writing piece was about and what my style of storytelling was like. I told her I wanted it to be fun, but also portray a sense of change and rebirth. Well, the dress was just that: colorful, light and airy. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I was now officially getting more excited about the dress than speaking. Time to snap back into reality.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mae asked me when the event was. Tomorrow! She then said she was off the next evening. She decided right then and there to purchase a ticket.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The next night, when the time came for the <a href="http://www.storytellersproject.com/phoenix/">AZ Storytellers Project </a>evening on New Beginnings, Mae showed up and I told her she could come sit with me and the other people who came to support me that night. I ended up sitting by someone who was a stranger 24 hours before.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It is only now that I am realizing that Mae is a<i> coffee,</i> and that the<i> 87 Coffees</i> project still could have some life in it yet. Her adventurous spirit and sense of style is inspiring. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">When we parted ways in the store that first day, I told her everything had gone full circle, as this meeting was completely giving life and breath to what I was saying about New Beginnings. She said now she had to come to see what I was talking about. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Mae is a genuine, gutsy person, I could tell just by meeting her. She Facebook friended me because that's what happens after you take pictures together even though you don't really know each other. She told me she had a great time at the storytelling event.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think it's important to get out there and live a little and I'm glad I have the turquoise dress to remind me of that. The dress reminds me of getting up there in front of all those people and of meeting Mae and if I wanted to interview her for a book, or really sit down for a coffee with her, I bet she'd say yes. She was a good reminder of when saying yes is a good thing.</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-67007594706563848802018-10-01T00:32:00.002-07:002019-01-03T20:55:40.865-08:00Wake me up when September ends<div>
Thanks for the reminder<i> Green Day.</i><br />
<br />
It's more like, I will go to sleep when September ends when the clock strikes midnight and I am done typing here soon.<br />
<br />
However, I have been sleeping off my wisdom teeth surgery for about a week now, so it would make sense to wake me up when September ends. The whole week was a blur, but I only took two days off of work.<br />
<br />
I have dreams of taking months off at a time to do creative projects, do mission work, try a completely new work endeavor, or take a spiritual retreat/ writing sabbatical. I dream so much, but when it comes to finishing things, I often wander off the course.<br />
<br />
What about you?<br />
<br />
So here I am again, even if it's just baby steps, writing and offering what I can in the direction I am going now toward an unknown future. Beautiful. Messy. Scary. Exciting.</div>
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<br /></div>
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***</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Writing is a lot like love, you learn as you go and it's not without messes along the way. My friend's little boy is going to be two soon and he is learning to say lots of words. I notice him say the word "mess!" a lot. He says this as he fumbles around the living room to put toys away. He has watched my friend well (she is a lot more organized than I am). I don't think he knows yet that this is going to happen again tomorrow and the next day and the next day. This is life: MESSY. </div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
I know there are many brilliant things to be said about love and love stories. I don't really know how I feel about love stories right now. I keep thinking I don't have a lot to say about love, but the topic comes back to me in the late hours of the evening. Write it down, write it down. That's what I encourage others to do as they are seeking healing, so I attempt to do the same, as I know God has used writing in the past as a healing balm. Also, writing connects us in powerful ways.<br />
<br />
I am listening and thinking and reflecting on what God says about love. I STILL sit confused and that's okay. Because right now I don't get how to embody love like Christ in this messed up world. Then, I ask Him to fill up the spaces of my lack and what to do when it feels like we are just twirling around in circles of our sin, brushing up against each other, still in need of His redemption. Love can bring out our most messy selves, the ones we have done so well over the years hiding away. We need you, Jesus. Help us in our mess.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">In my mind, I know that a story, even one with an ending that is hard, does not equal a fail, but it still feels like there's no easy clean up for a mess of a heart still hurting at times. I settle on realizing the work God has already done. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><br />
Love also consumes more than romantic love, and so I'm thinking about keeping the flow of love going in my life. What's getting me there is staying open. Openness for me currently means being honest with emotions that feel very present and at times too much and I hate being 'too much.'<br />
<br />
However, the real truth is the past few months have been weird but also freeing: there are often no words I want to say (strange for me), too many words I want to say, times I feel embarrassed by not being able to 'pull it together,' days where life is moving so fast, days everything is going slow, moments I'm feeling way more like the person I know I've been all along, times I cry in public and I wonder why I am not curled up on the couch not leaving the house until next month.<br />
<br />
I like to have words that sound good, I don't like to feel embarrassed, I like to tell the truth but it seems like far too often I don't know if I can really trust you. I like to be understood. I like to keep peace with people.<br />
<br />
Change right now is shaking me up because even though we had a talk awhile ago and decided we were going to stop meeting like this at unpredictable times, change isn't listening.<br />
<br />
Change keeps nudging me, softly, slowly, then sometimes quickly, to give up my rights to those things I thought I had rights to or in essence<i>, could control. </i><br />
<i></i><br />
Change this time around is also being a bit more friend-like. In essence, as I release more, I recognize that change is not my total enemy. Not entirely. I don't actually hate change completely. I guess.<br />
<br /></div>
<div>
Has change ever brought you to a place of letting go?<br />
<br />
<br />
<i>Colossians 3:3 says "for you died and your life is now hidden with Christ in God."</i><br />
<i></i><br />
This verse reminds me about my real life. My life is not hidden in all the things that I like to use to tell myself I am okay when big parts of my life are falling apart, like for real completely unsettled and I don't know what is going to come next, but hidden in Christ. He enables me to keep going and know that I will not crushed by the waves that threaten me. Even if everything may not always FEEL or even BE okay, at the end of the day, God is with me, and my soul will rest in that hope.<br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">By the way, I'm going to be publishing this in October. Happy October, everyone.</span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike></div>
Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-70109678821365706172018-09-11T22:34:00.001-07:002018-10-03T23:16:53.722-07:00Being Strong and Dark Hallmark Movies for the Win<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Tonight I haven't felt incredibly strong. There were some tears, like full on bring me the pillows, which is my version of bring me the tissues. I just really like pillows.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There's some beauty in accepting yourself, too, right where you are.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think I am becoming more accept<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">ing (most days) of the transitions I find myself in these days, and for the most part that feels like life being life, and at the same time there is still some residual sadness. Hence, the pillows.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Naming what's true even though it's hard to name it has been a life giving force for me. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am feeling the sting and loss of an important relationship. Although this person isn't gone in the full sense of the word, there is still a gap where the relationship was, the loss of being with this person, and really just the knowing of another person, which in essence isn't that what we all love about relationships, anyway? Or at least some of us? The knowing, the ability to know and be known? The flow that allows that to continue, that allows love in, the bridge to one and other. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">So naming something hard like loss is not my favorite thing because it makes it seem more real, but it is actually good because it makes it seem more real. Sometimes the hardest part of anything for me is pretending or acting like something isn't happening that's happening. All we can do is live in today, and name what's true. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">All we can do is live in the present, but if I can't be real with what the present is showing me, then what can I really do? Giving a name or voice to something is important. Sometimes something is true for now, for awhile, for all time. Sometimes things change and then I am afraid what I said yesterday will define my tomorrows, but I have to get better at being honest with myself and really honest with what's actually happening. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am really just trying to keep owning my voice. I used to say I was trying to 'find' my voice or myself but I have been here the whole time. I just need to own my words and not apologize for them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I think up until recently there was a certain apologetic-ness to my thoughts or voice when it came to how I was viewing things with my relationship that has ended. It still creeps up every once in a while, but it was like I had to hold everything so delicately and protected, so it wouldn't crack anymore, when in essence doing that just made me crack more. I can still be kind but honest. I don't have to be afraid.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I can still feel the stress in my body sometimes. And the stress in my soul. Sometimes it comes out in dreams. It comes out in little ways I know I'm holding extra pressure than usual in my muscles. All the major anxiety seems to have faded; I still notice a tension that takes effort to ease. It's a battle ground, allowing myself to grieve some days, because I just don't want to or maybe I have more important things to do.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">God is relentless though; He keeps meeting me time after time when I just want to be strong, this theme that often penetrates me and I wonder why that's so important to me. I think about how He has helped me overcome so many seemingly worse situations, more painful situations, physically brutal, when I had to hold on to hope for dear life, and yet, have continued to make it through every migraine and situation of pain in my body over the years, through every moment when I endured problems with eating in my early 20's, through even all the times previously when I thought that whatever emotional pain I was in was pretty bad. For me, it seems bad at the moment, but then, once it passes, I don't usually recall all that I had to get through to get through it. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">God HAS been faithful before and I know will be faithful again. I constantly have to wrap my mind around He who is so powerful and loving and just that His ways don't always equate what I think I want at that time. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There is a part of me that REALLY doesn't want to be weak even though I can tell you, sure, my jam is that verse in Corinthians that says "That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong." More what I am resonating with lately is, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!" Mark 9:24</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I see victories as I move forward though and I know that it's God's grace. I see things changing inside me, I see so much hope spilling out even though there are times of great grief and change and missing him, and I'm not afraid anymore to say what is happening inside me. I'm not afraid speak my words, and I pray that continues, and I pray God's joy can keep flowing and be my joy. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I know that even though there have been ups and downs, I see myself looking more toward God's truth and not just sticking with my emotions, even though sometimes I can feel justified in feeling a certain way. I know this has been one of the hardest few months, but I have I gotten through things before that were hard. I am realizing how I am not going to get completely thrown off course. That sometimes I might feel weak or sometimes I might feel strong. But God, He keeps me on course somehow. Maybe on a course I didn't know or wouldn't choose. STILL. It is beautiful. I believe it is beautiful. Even through all the muck. I would not have changed the course.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am thankful, even in this new time. In this NEW FOREIGN LAND. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Even though I am in the same land, it is a new beginning (new beginnings, I am sick of you). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am thankful though, for the chance that there can always be new beginnings. Yes, there can. Even if I sometimes still long for the familiar again. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Does your life ever seem like it would make for a good Hallmark movie, or rather a bad Hallmark movie? Are any Hallmark movies not bad, actually? I secretly dislike Hallmark but feel like I would be someone who would like them. I know, complicated. One <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">of my best friend's husbands nailed it when he said that I probably don't like Hallmark because I do stand up comedy/improv and am into 'that' kind of humor, whatever that means. Like maybe I secretly (or not so secretly) like snarky, sarcastic or dark humor and so I'm not a hopeless romantic after all. I'm just a wanna-be hopeless romantic. I think if you know me, deep, deep down I am a hopeless romantic. But, here's the catch. I just know that the feel good, super cheesiness of it all that we want to wrap our arms around would pair well with some dark humor and probably some tragedy rolled in. That sounds a little more like my life. </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">But we'll end the movie on a sappy note of course, lots of music playing, and I'm not sure what the ending will be, but it will probably involve horses. Don't all Hallmark movies have horses?</span></span></span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I know, I know. Life isn't like the movies. But you get to vote. Hallmark lover or hater?</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-62443930304543828902018-09-03T20:40:00.002-07:002018-10-03T23:24:41.799-07:00A storied city -- in 2018<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><strong><em>On telling the truth about myself</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's taken me time to become more fully myself.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I wrote a <a href="https://87coffees.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-storied-city.html">post</a> when I first arrived to Phoenix in 2015, just days after landing on the airplane and beginning to get a sense that EVERYTHING felt different, the culture, landscape, people. Yet, I also felt like I was supposed to be here. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I feel like I left out part of the story. I don't know why. I was writing about my thoughts and what it was like stepping foot on arid, desert ground, how I would have to start from scratch again as a 31 year old. New job, new home, new friends.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I didn't talk about trying my hand in love. The fact that moving here was like jumping into a deep pool of water, when before I was only dipping my toes into a relationship that had started many months before from long-distance. Totally opposite parts of the country long distance, not just your friendly neighboring states long-distance.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I didn't talk about what it was like to be in love. To learn to love someone up close instead of on the phone.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">My relationships aren't something I write about, but this was different. It was part of the whole story. I was talking about MOVING across the country and I never spoke of why. No real specifics. No real mention of love. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Maybe I didn't want to glorify it too much, maybe I didn't want to jinx it. Maybe I had to learn the hard way that a move and a life can entail a lot of things, but when a relationship is involved, you might as well call a spade a spade and talk about the love, even if just a little bit.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /><br />I feel like a different person now, looking back three years later, but I am realizing, I am the me I am supposed to be now. I'm still unfolding. Still growing.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So much happens when we look back. I don't know how to put it into words now. I wish I could more clearly communicate when I feel something strongly, but it all sounds muffled. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But, s<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">o what? I am not immune to needing a little extra time to process my feelings or to come up with the right words to speak, or rambling time for this external processor to seek clarity. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> ***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong><em>On running when we're scared</em></strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I thought that I was someone who did pretty well under high pressure situations, but tonight, the heat was turned up at a Circle K when I found myself needing to stop for gas after my car was worked on in a not-so-great-neighborhood. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">At the gas pump, my car was smushed between a huge truck doing maintenence work, complete with orange cones all around him, and a van to my right side, with a guy shouting obsenities to a group of people lingering outside the Circle K. In front of me at the gas pump was a homeless man asking me for money and who placed a notebook in front of my face because he said he wanted me to read what was on it. Normally, I have a heart for homeless folks but under the circumstance, it seemed like a fight could break out while I was still in the middle of pumping gas. I knew I needed to BOOK IT out of there. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The homeless man continued to walk beside my car as I preceded to jump inside and turn my car on. At that time, the van next to me started moving, too, and I became flustered, so I tried to back out of the pump station, hardly realizing I was about to get myself into a bigger jam by nearly hitting van guy.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Thankfully, we didn't crash. Van guy was too distracted to notice me as he drove off, while the homeless man, clearly concerned about my safety, turned to me and said 'I know you're nervous but don't run in a situation like this before looking all around.' </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I scanned my car for some money to give him before thanking him and was on my way. That could have ended up a lot worse.<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> I don't know the homeless man's story, but I do know that it was beautiful the way he seemed to take a moment to pass on a life lesson. We can't discount what someone has learned throughout their life. 'I'm 60 years old!' the man shouted to me as I drove away. I smiled and nodded. 60 years of living has taught him to pay attention and look around before you run off, even when you're scared. </span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong><em>On loss and risk</em></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong><em></em></strong></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It doesn't always feel good to have my life here be associated with a relationship because it feels a little bit like having people's brains hard wired to think that's now your only reason for continuing to live on desert soil, which in fact, it's not. Whether or not the relatonship lives on, you as a person and your actual full and complete life do. MIND BLOWING, right?</span></em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I (think) I can understand people's thought processes so I try not to be sarcastic, however, a healthy dose of humor could help all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">This is all part of risk and doing risky things. Life is boring otherwise. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /><br />Keep telling yourself this, keep telling yourself this, I think.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br />Even when I think back on all of my hardest fought battles and how risky they were at times, I know taking a chance and living life to the fullest is the ONLY way to live life.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Friend, I don't know where you are today, but all we can do is just one day at a time, one thing at a time. I hope this encourages you. I know we each are living our process. It's amazing how life can trip us up no matter who we are. One of the best things we can do for each other is to accept and let people have their process. To walk beside them as they walk their journey, too.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">The other day I was journaling and some tears were running down my eyes, down my cheeks slowly, the the drip of a faucet, until my whole face felt wet. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I thought I was becoming stronger? The familiar ache that I had been feeling for a little while was going away, so what was this?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I know it's normal, that it will likely happen again.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">The beautiful and un-flashy truth of me comes to the surface during hard times. Maybe the beautiful and un-flashy truth of you does the same? We can try to hide it, stuff it, or distract from it, but it's there nonetheless. Loss, pain, grief, it shouts loud enough at points that if we're lucky (yes, lucky) we will hear what it is trying to tell us. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I hope you, friend, who may be going through this, too, find a way to go where you are grieving or where your heart is breaking or where your love has been and let yourself go there.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Sure, it won't always be this way and life is lovely and if anyone can find reasons to laugh it is me, but this is all showing me that I CANNOT escape it, even though I wish I could. I must practice surrendering to the process and even to let others have their process, too, as much as it's going to be different. I really don't know if I'm any good at this sort of thing. I wish there was a gauge for it, like am I getting close to getting through it, whatever 'it' is? Grief? A</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">All this feels like telling you a secret. I haven't had it together for awhile, and even though it feels like like it's coming back together, how I'm getting stronger, I don't want to tell you I have been really weak.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I pray to be strong all the time, and I don't know if that's the best prayer or not. If it's not God's strength, what's the point? I'm learning that if I fall on my face a thousand times but I am clinging to the one who is holding onto me, it's not for lack. Sure, I don't like the hurt, and seriously, can we do something about how hard the asphalt feels when you fall on your face?? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I've got to keep my humor after all.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">And, I'm learning maybe the best I can do is keep giving myself more grace, and others, too. Everything feels better when we give grace.</span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><strong><em>On writing for a different reason</em></strong></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I thought it would feel a lot better to write all this out, but it just feels the same. I guess I have been kind of neutral, which is okay right now. Sometimes I think with the work I do, I should be able to model processing a difficult experience and facing my feelings, but right now, I feel okay with where I am. There were so many feelings and so much to go through earlier on, that right now, I just am happy I'm doing pretty well overall. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>It's amazing you can hold two truths at the same time. I am doing well and yet, there are still many things I miss.</em></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am being opened up in my writing, and unstuck, perhaps. I've been stuck for a long time. Stuck in my writing and even perhaps in my storytelling. It was hard to prepare work for a long time, because I didn't feel like I was offering my truest self. Maybe there were a lot of emotions going on that I couldn't graple with fully, and didn't want to push away, but wanted to get past them somehow. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It's amazing how God does work and brings a lot of healing in places where we think we need but maybe don't even know how to get to ourselves.<em> </em>I am excited to see what new adventures will spring forth in my writing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Peace on your journey, friends. Cheers to you, and love as you go.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-12492316652161979842018-09-02T18:02:00.000-07:002018-10-03T23:47:51.448-07:00September redux<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It will be year number three living in Phoenix as of tomorrow. I can't believe it.<a href="http://87coffees.blogspot.com/2017/06/timbler-on-vacay.html"> Timbler</a> can't believe it -- yes he's coming out from the shadows! He has been in hibernation for a long time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I've had a love/hate relationship with fall for as long as I can remember. Who are my friends who do not care about pumpkin spice lattes? Anyone else?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Even while living in one of the hottest places on Earth, my heart still beats for summer. Everyone's laid back, flexible schedule, taking beach days, wearing swim suits as my main wardrobe for three months are my favorites. I am sure deep down I belong in a water town but somehow, I am living and trying to thrive, rather than just survive, in a desert.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">This year, summer brought changes and transition when usually I think of fall that way. We're never immune; change comes when it wants to. And it will surely come again. On the plus side, while the summer months threatened to crash into me, emotionally and spiritually and physically at times, summer, in all its glory, was also healing to me. The sun and the water (where I could find it) and the beach (when I traveled to it). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">September, I am ready for you. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Phoenix, year three, I'm not afraid of you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Phoenix sometimes feels so homey and sometimes feels completely fresh and new even though I am now coming on three years here.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am so thankful for the ways I am digging in roots and ways that people and places feel way more familiar than it ever did, that day in September three years ago. Isn't it cool to look back, to gaze ahead with hope, and yet to still be where we are today?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am learning where I am is the ONLY PLACE I CAN REALLY BE. I can try to fight it or wish for something different, as believe me some days I have, but God is teaching me to have a still heart before Him. Does that ever happen to you? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Calm yourself, child.. I feel Him putting His hand on my shoulder, just guiding me toward rest and guiding me toward finding peace with where I am, letting me know it will all be okay. And you know what, it really is. Just keep going, day by day.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It is so good of God to help us with the thing that is hardest for us, almost like looking back in the rear view mirror and seeing that He was there, because in our hard times, we may not be able to put the right words to what's happening or what we need or even what exactly is the thing that's hardest for us. We just know He is there during the hard times. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">That's all I have for now, except, that the adventure continues. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><b><br /></b></span>
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: white;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Also, I guess God knows the thing that is hardest for me after all which is trusting in the unknowns. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="background-color: transparent; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="background-color: transparent; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">I</span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="background-color: transparent; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">'m realizing more and more that our lives are not defined by the outcomes, even when that would be so convenient and neat, wouldn't it? Like neat, cool, but also, neat, tidy. I'm guilty for looking for an outcome, but the peace I really want is not the peace that would provide. I know God offers a peace that surpasses understanding. Do I want understanding or do I want Jesus? </span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><b></b><b></b><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: yellow;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: black;"></span><span style="color: white;"></span><br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-86387771058866550492018-07-30T23:22:00.000-07:002018-10-03T23:51:01.614-07:00Writing as the next right thing - part 2<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">God hasn't gone anywhere.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This sentence keeps coming back to me as I sit down to write. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Maybe tonight is a redux of my post about writing as my next right thing. The post was in <a href="http://87coffees.blogspot.com/2017/09/sometimes-best-thing-for-me-to-do-when.html">September</a> of last year but I have been so sporadic in my writing on the blog since then. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Cheers to 2018?!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">In honor of my sporadic-ness and fully embracing my free spirit ways, I know that my writing these days is going to be far from perfect, unedited and honest. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">The concept of forgiveness keeps coming back to me in time with God and in reading the Bible lately AND in listening to some sermons/podcasts (podcasts are my favorite thing). When I see an idea pop up in multiple places, I realize God is trying to get my attention. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">In the parable in Mathew 18, Jesus says that the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">The master cancels and forgives the debt of the servant but then the servant does not have mercy on his fellow servant. Jesus says that each person ought to forgive their brother or sister from their heart. It can't just be an outward behavior but it has to be an inward sign of a changed heart, someone who knows that they have been forgiven much.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">This is so hard in real time even if understood logically. Left to our own devices, when the stakes are high, why would we forgive? And why would we forgive over and over as Jesus instructs us to do? <br /><br />When the servant who had been forgiven by his master goes to his fellow servant who owed him a hundred silver coins, "he grabbed him and began to choke him. 'Pay back what you owe me!' he demanded.'</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">This seems disturbing as I read it and hard to believe I could get to this point of demand with another human, but as I read it, my heart hurts, because I see how it could be possible. I see how in my own ways I have been like this servant, demanding justice, wanting things to be made right as I believe right to be.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">You may never get an outcome you want but you can treat people with love and forgiveness in the process. You can learn to see them the way Christ sees them, fully loved and forgiven.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Aren't we all sinners and don't we all sin against others as we brush up against each other in this life?<br /><br />I know I am a sinner and I am sure I have sinned against those close to me, and those not close to me as well. But, isn't it easier for it to happen with those close? I am hopeful for their forgiveness as well.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Letting go feels like exhaling to me. It feels like I don't have to keep everything as tightly wound as I have been before. And it feels like trusting God more, when trust is so hard. It feels like surrendering, giving up control. It is a deep and painful truth to admit that when I feel hurt, I don't want to completely let you off the hook until you've earned the right to get off the hook. But this is not how God loves us! I can trust God that He knows best and I can choose the gift of love and forgiveness. I say it again and just let it sink into my life, hoping that as my heart embraces this, that everything else will slowly follow.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Things take time. Love takes time. God heals and works in hearts slowly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />I wonder if it's grace that happens quickly though. <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I want to believe that God is continuing to bring renewal even in times of great un-knowing. That the unknowing will open wide a chasm of even more love and grace and seeing the beauty that is in the world. God is the source of all of this beauty. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">When I finally become more aware of the goodness of God, my heartbeat that is writing, becomes more fully alive. I miss this when my vision is blurred. I know my calling is to spread wide the hope for all He is doing in the world.</span></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">He is so big and what a gift it is to be alive in the world today.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It feels right to believe this and to feel joy in the Lord and ALSO I know what it feels like for everything to feel small and like hope is dwindling, how the sharpness of pain can distort the meaning of the things you know to be true.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Life moves in waves. Always waves, like the ocean.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I've been here before, how will it not topple me over. I can swim better now as time has gone by, but am I not still me?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I shift and change like the waves. I move through the waters even when they are rough, ending up in a new place, someplace I didn't know I would be at all. When somehow, the most treacherous waves cannot break me. Waves plunge into me, still the same me, but I do not break into pieces with each crash. I am surprised by this.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">What a beautiful thing it is to be alive. To still have hurt and to know pain and to move through pain and to know there may be other crashes but it is just WAVES. Maybe the waves are not meant to push, but pull you along to where you're supposed to go? I</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I find so much beauty in the water. Water is a force but does not intend to harm. It has a way of leveling the bumps in the water. May it be so in our lives. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">May God work in us to chisel away the rough edges.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I can't stop with the metaphors. I can't stop thinking about butterflies, too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I read a story called <em>Hope for the Flowers </em>and it made me realize everyone needs hope, even butterflies. The butterfly has just transformed. But what is this? Becoming something new. It could be totally appealing to want to go back to the old life. And still...</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>Look how far you've come, little butterfly - </em></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em><br /></em></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em><br /></em></span></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>keep going.</em><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-22749341189361830932017-12-07T22:26:00.001-08:002017-12-07T22:37:59.953-08:00New Beginnings -- #1<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">M<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">y beginning here in Arizona is not-so-new anymore, but was important nonetheless. Beginnings of all kinds signify change, and most of us have encountered them. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The messiness of it, how confusing it is to stand on the edge of basically your whole life as you know it, and on the other side, an entirely new life, which hasn't been built yet.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To be in the chasm between those places, is to be no place at all. Like being sucked into a vacuum.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Okay, I never got sucked up into a vacuum, but beginning again with a blank slate can almost feel like that. It was over two years ago so I'm not in that space anymore, but I remember the feeling when I moved to Phoenix from Raleigh. One night, I remember thinking that there was no one in the world that I knew still awake; it was about 11 PM in Phoenix, so that would make sense with almost everyone living on the east coast. Still, something about the time zone shift was throwing me off. Perhaps I always liked the feeling of knowing that there were people in the world that I was connected to, on a daily basis. Then when they were far away, they just seemed, far away.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I kept having a similar feeling that I had early on in my move to Raleigh nine years before. Who would really know if I fell into a ditch on a drive home? Surely, my boyfriend would know. But, it was just the point that I didn't really have people yet that was strange and eerie. In Raleigh, I quickly developed odd connections that I later realized were a little quirky, and I wonder if they somehow relate to the idea that it helps me to have a wide community. I like to know people and have people know me. Maybe it's the fact that I've lived on my own and in different places for over a decade, but there's something to the folks at Whole Foods knowing you enough to know that if you're not there for a month (or let's face it a week), something's wrong.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">In Phoenix, I didn't have any routines yet, any places I frequented. I wanted to give myself time to get adjusted, and part of me also felt like there was adventure and excitement in the anonymity of it all, but in reality, it was actually lonely. That word carries a lot of weight and maybe even stigma, so it's hard to say and talk about, but I guess it\is probably true. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">New Beginnings by their nature, being new, carry with them a lot of white space, like the blank page of a new year or a fresh calendar that is both inviting and freeing but also can be a little frightening and lonely if you're not sure what will fill the pages.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">A new beginning, of course, also can carry with it the joy of the opportunities it brings and the sense of wonder with where life will lead with the new start. We humans are good at editing everything, and there is something to be said for beginning something, a journey or a project, or another chance, and being willing to see it for what it is, fresh and unedited.</span><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On New Beginnings and the threat of busy--</span></em><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">My calendar did that for me when I moved to Phoenix. While I'm not the best at keeping up with plans, I remember that I used to (and still do to an extent) but tons of dates in my phone of appointments and events and especially social activity. Then, all of a sudden, the plans stopped. I still had a life when I moved here, but I moved here in early September, and I didn't have a job or really any appointments to keep, so in essence there was nothing in my calendar. I went from having a flurry of activity and I'm-so-busy (AKA so important...) to I am not busy at all, let me see what ONE activity or hobby I would like to have in this new life. I remember talking to a good friend from college who knows me well, and we were brainstorming, and she was saying, "I'm sure there's one new thing you could do. Letsee..." As if, the hardest thing in the world was figuring out how I could possibly add one thing to my life consisting of no set plans.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Now, I haven't gone to the other extreme, thankfully, but I am once again a very active person. It would not cross my mind that I have to think of how to find ONE thing to ADD to my life; if anything I would think once again, am I doing too much?</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I don' know if I think about it on a conscious level, but moving here made me consider, in an almost existential way, how everything we try and 'build' for ourselves is really smoke and bubbles when you stop and think about it.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I'm not saying this is a story about loss, because I still have a lot of the friends I had and I didn't need to hang onto my busy life and all the things I built in my old life anyway. I guess this is a story about letting go and then it is a story about starting again, but that this process happens a lot in our lives, in different ways. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am learning to hold things loosely. That's not so easy, but so many different aspects of my new beginnings have taught and are teaching me how to do this.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I got rid of most of what I owned because I had a lot of crap I didn't need to lug across the country, and I don't miss one thing. It was a cleansing process, even as the process itself was weird because I had to go through so much of what was part of my life for so long and then it was just so physical, letting it go. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I remember more than anything I just wanted to know what it was going to be like being on new ground, so different, this Arizona soil, so far way. Would I feel the same? It sounds so silly writing this two years later. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">God puts me in positions where I have to grow and change, even as it has been a challenge for me. I don't know if I saw life with new eyes when I first got here, or if I wanted to keep the same vision I had from before; it was difficult to adjust my senses to what was in front of me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>On New Beginnings and Love --</em> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">There's a lot to say about new beginnings and love. Much of it I have resisted saying in writing over the past couple years. I am doing whatever I can, while at the same time realizing a lot of it isn't even doing what I can, because this love journey is also about letting go, too. That is the hardest part.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Like I said, letting go has felt like a hard thing, until I realize there can be beauty in it, like letting go of old stuff from my house and holding everything loosely. Softly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Part of that, I wonder, is being soft with myself, and truthful. About what new beginnings have meant for me in love.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">How can love be about letting go?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Love is starting to be more about letting go and surrendering than about holding on, even though my first instinct is to hold on.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Love can be consistent. Love can keep moving and flowing. Love doesn't have to force. Love can be brave, even in the face of uncertainties and starts and restarts and fears and when you clean out all the weight you left behind from your previous life and you're not yet feeling light because you're wondering where it all went -- love is patient. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Love is not perfect, because all these things are from God and shown to us from God. So I realize I'm going to do them not right sometimes. I am so thankful for the journey and really thankful for writing it all down now. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">As I've seen before, writing lights the way.</span><br />
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<br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-2863022063741331592017-10-07T23:45:00.002-07:002017-10-08T00:31:37.151-07:00On love<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><em>We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. Hebrews 6:19.</em></span><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span></em><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Writer Allison Fallon wrote a <a href="http://allisonfallon.com/this-morning/">blog post</a> about not giving up when things are hard. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She says there's really only two choices when it comes to keeping going... to give up or not give up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Seems so simple, yet a lot of life comes back to this question. No one can truly decide for you what is right. But what she says is helpful.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>"The time we need hope the most is when it is most tempting to let it go. Hope is dangerous. It threatens to make fools out of us. It threatens to make a mockery of the life we choose for ourselves. Will anything we’re doing ever matter? Will our circumstances ever change? Well, there is really no way of knowing. So are you going to do it anyway?</em><br />
<em>That’s hope."</em><br />
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What Allison talks about in many of her blog posts resonate with me. <br />
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After reading it, I have more questions than answers. Questions just create more questions.<br />
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What does it mean to live hopeful if I continue to choose not giving up? <br />
What does giving up look like? Is there a time when that is actually a good thing?<br />
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Then I go back to love being soft, like Allison says. Letting love be like the ocean, for instance, which is so powerful and strong, yet it is soft. Think about it. <br />
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Yes, love hurts sometimes. But, despite that, I want to be soft. I don't want to harden. Yes, sometimes I protect. But, I don't want to go so far with it that I can't lay my armor down.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I can go gentle. I can agree to move together and flow together with another person and let it be light. I can't do that if I'm geared up for a battle, or geared up to protect myself at all costs.<br />
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Love can be a mixture of real fears and real uncertainties and real growing pains. <br />Yet, we can still be in awe of it, still find it magical, and surrender to the process. When we are in awe, we likely aren't in control.<br />
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I am someone who, deep down, thinks things will go smoothly if I am in some kind of control, thank you very much, and if I'm not, secretly wishes I was a little more in control. Deeper down, I know it's better for me not to be in control. Complex, I know. <br />
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I love what Allison says about the ocean, how we might go into it thinking, we've got this thing. But it's THE OCEAN. The ocean is actually in control, even if I think 'oh, it's just a little water.' What happens when the tide pulls me under? Maybe love is like that? Maybe there's more going on that we can't even control that we get to be in awe of. The good and the bad and everything in between. <br />
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To soften like water is counter intuitive. But also, love is so counter intuitive to begin with.</span><br />
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Basically, if I love well at all, it's because God first loved me. He showed me His love and grace, and I now I am able to love back.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It's really a risk. I'm starting to think risk is also the opposite of control.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It feels like everything I'm being asked to do is the opposite of control.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Risk. Love.</span><br />
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I can sugar coat the process in a lot of ways and say it's fine and I'm good but a lot of times it's terrifying and I go back and forth between emotions but love is also amazing overall, because I am part of something bigger that myself, that God orchestrates. Telling the truth about love has set me free in a lot of ways, though.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am mostly talking about romantic love here, when you start to get close in new ways to a person and it's all very weird and new, but really, being open to love in all different ways and telling the truth about it is freeing.</span><br />
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Allison says so much of love, really, is about letting go.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br />
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Maybe love is about letting go because love is really about surrender.<br />
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I am trying to listen to what this means for me. <br />
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Right now, in my life, I think it means to keep coming out of hiding more and more. Not trying to control. Acknowledge there are days I want to give up. Acknowledge there are days I would like to be in control. Remind myself that God has done so much and it is good. Remember to listen to my own voice and the voice of God. Remember that where I am right now is where I am right now and that's where I am supposed to be. <br />
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"Sometimes we need to pull ourselves together and try harder and go faster and longer. Other times we need to soften, to give in a little, to give ourselves permission to take a break. Strong and soft."- <a href="http://allisonfallon.com/give-up/">Allison Fallon</a><br />
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Sometimes you have to work your way through the questions, even if there are no immediate answers, to remember who you are (for me, someone who asks a lot of questions), and remember who God is (a God who can handle all these questions). <br />
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I remember I have what I need in this moment, I remember God may not reveal everything at once. I remember that I can do the next right thing in love.</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-74730468663595839462017-09-27T23:32:00.001-07:002017-09-27T23:56:54.323-07:00Writing - my next right thing<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Sometimes the best thing for me to do when I don't know what to do is to put words on paper. Writing makes my words and thoughts come out clearer.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am about to see one of my best friends from Raleigh in two days. I can't wait. It seems like so long ago I saw her. When she came here to visit, we painted and we let Scripture speak to us. We also wrote down words and those words on the canvas became an inspiration for us to draw from over the next year. My word was embrace. I still look at it on the wall in my living room.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Today was an emotional day. We all have those from time to time. I think of how God is sovereign even over our feelings. He made them, after all. They help point to something going on inside. It is important still to consider that feelings don't have the final say, yet to acknowledge their place and to hold them up against truth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Solomon said that our hearts are the 'wellspring of life.' The heart overflows into thoughts, actions. It holds so much. It is of value.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Even when life is hard, I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 2: 16-18. It is one of my life verses. It reminds me to keep going no matter what. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">"We do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">God is always at work, doing something internally in us that is far bigger than meets the eye. He is good all the time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br />We must be remembering what is true even if something doesn't feel true. Our life is hidden with Christ in God (Colossians 3:3). I LOVE this. We are hidden with Christ. We do not have to hide anywhere, or be anything we are not, except who we really, truly are, and that is always enough.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I have been listening to <em>The Next Right Thing </em>podcast by Emily P. Freeman. Today's happened to be called "Expect to be Surprised."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">She talks about how we can do the next right thing even when the path leads somewhere we didn't totally plan for.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">That is something I might groan about and wrestle with, but again, whatever road is from God, I will follow Him. I know He gives me His hand.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I can write these down and still in practice I am working them out. I know in writing them down, each time, it is an act of surrender and rest on my part. And an act of faith, and hope, that I can and still will 'expect to be surprised,' whatever that looks like in real time and space. As Emily described in this particular podcast, it was paying attention at the scenery outside as she was traveling and seeing a musician she liked appear years later at an unlikely restaurant. A musician who once inspired her in ways that this singer probably had no idea, because she just kept doing what she was called to do, and showed up to sing for a room full of youth group teenagers. How amazing that Emily was in that group and later would go on to write books, and now is inspiring people like me herself. Expect to be surprised at how God works, often through people, often in unlikely ways. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">You never know how the next small step or next right thing can lead to something else, even if it's a road you didn't plan for. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It's hard to release your sought after plans. I know this. It's hard to not wish for tomorrow to come now. It almost feels like a joke to still expect to be surprised sometimes. But, I know there is good everywhere and in the daily-ness of life. I am so thankful God keeps showing up in the funny and mundane and crazy parts of my life and reminding me He is there. He hasn't gone anywhere.</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-8897886092647243812017-09-24T23:08:00.001-07:002017-09-24T23:21:51.841-07:00You brought your fire?<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Tonight I was cooking and my potholder caught on fire. Not only did I have a de ja vu moment from college, all of a sudden I felt like I was back in my college days as well because my downstairs neighbor had just been inside my place using her computer. I told her I would be right down in a minute to borrow her vacuum (we like to live communally) </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Well, since we share so much and we had been together 30 seconds before, when my potholder caught on fire, my instinct was to take the potholder to my friends place. Why I don't know, because it really looked bad; it had just caught on fire. I knew I probably should take it outside or put it in water in MY apartment, but no, why not knock on her door. It seemed innocent enough but then it started smoking more and when she came to the door she looked at me funny and said, "You brought your fire here??"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I took it outside and we put the rest of the fire out. It turned out okay, of course. And we laughed a lot after that, of course. <br /><br />Rule #1 of the apartments is now: don't go mobile with your fires. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Seriously, fire safety is IMPORTANT. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Still, this song came to mind, and in favor of being super sentimental about fire even though the whole thing was actually quite ridiculous, I think you all might enjoy it. This is actually a song I like a lot by a singer I like a lot more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Are there people you have sat with in the burn? I sit with many who are in this space daily, even though a lot of the time I don't think of it this way. I remember the first time I heard this song was a few years ago, and it put to words what was happening around me. It felt like a truth-telling message. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />This was a time when I was working with kiddos who were being abused/neglected in foster care and it was one of my first experiences with that within my job. Needless to say, my heart was breaking for them. I was feeling the angst of desperation of no answers coming after many trials they had endured in the system and not being able to find permanency. As their counselor, I tried to stay objective, but also as a follow of Jesus, I kept seeing the brokenness of it all and was hoping there would be deliverance and change. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Do you ever want to but find it difficult to 'come close' like this? What was my place in all that? It was several years ago, but sometimes I am reminded of this feeling. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">There is only so much we can each can do, and yet, there are times we are called to brave the heat. It is a gentle reminder. </span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-42397842143616217102017-07-04T11:42:00.000-07:002017-07-09T17:14:36.308-07:00The Stars and the Stripes <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Freedom.</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It means something different to different people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">***</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Opps, this post was supposed to be in the 'drafts' pile but it ended up getting published the other night. I started a blog post about freedom. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Freedom........</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery."</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This post started off talking about freedom but for those of you faithful readers, I have the urge to note an exercise I completed a couple of years ago. Stay with me. It is a continuous exercise actually, one that I try and look at regularly. I can give credit to a mentor of mine for its origin. It is called "What Kind of Woman do I Want to be" and in it I listed several key aspects of life that I thought were important. Perhaps it will encourage you to think about what gives your life meaning, what you hope for, what you want out of life. Of course, you will change. I did it in 2014. I am sure I have changed as a person since then but it is helpful to see that </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I still want to focus on these today. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Even as it's God who reveals more and more with each day how I can live out particular callings or desires, my hope is to live with intention. I guess if I have the list in front of me instead of buried in my 3200 emails, I am more likely to give it some thought and intention (now it's buried in a blog post, but it's progress). Where would you need to put some reminders in order to visibly see your hopes and goals?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Okay, here goes:</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">want to be</span><br />
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<ol><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who knows God and walks closely with him in my life</span></li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who understands her worth and value in Christ and lives accordingly</span></li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who loves others well</span></li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who pursues and lives with freedom</span></li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who lives with balance in all areas of my life</span></li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who lives with self-awareness </span></li>
<li>A <span class="il">woman</span> who is healthy</li>
<li>A <span class="il">woman</span> who lives with purpose </li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who helps others experience freedom</span></li>
<li>A <span class="il">woman</span> who is honest and authentic</li>
<li><span class="im">A <span class="il">woman</span> who invests in the younger generation </span></li>
<li><span class="im"> <span class="il">woman</span> who uses gifts of counseling, writing and speaking</span></li>
<li><span class="im"> <span class="il">woman</span> who is free to integrate my faith into my professional setting</span></li>
<li>A <span class="il">woman</span> who is financially stable and responsible</li>
<li>A <span class="il">woman</span> who invests in her family, neighbors, community </li>
</span></ol>
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You'll see freedom listed a couple times throughout. This is a very dear and very real topic for me. Waaay back when, I began a journey of walking back toward freedom from major health and eating issues. It was God who did it - all that I am is grace. My hope is to continue to pursue and live with freedom and to leave room in my life to help others, especially the younger generation. My prayer is for many who feel bound in some kind of chains to also experience freedom and to know that change is possible. God's goodness abounds and He is our living hope.</span><br />
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I love the imagery in Job 36:16:<br />
"He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction."<br />
<br />May freedom be our anthem. May we remember God is the one who brings it and He has the power to do it.</span><br />
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Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-72721140738938357022017-06-14T21:48:00.002-07:002017-06-14T21:48:45.988-07:00On stuff and things<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;">In my IMPROV WRITING BOOTCAMP I have decided to instill some practices that I'm learning in actual improv. One of them is to not just talk about 'stuff' and 'things.' But to talk about why it matters, what it means to you. Get vulnerable. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><br />Vulnerable is a buzz word everywhere today. Even in improv??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I guess so. It's true though. Last night, I did a scene with someone and we were 'sisters' who were cleaning out the litter box, reluctantly, as a chore we didn't really want to be doing while our mom was gone from home. At the end of the scene, one of the comments from the teacher was to tell more about why it mattered. The scene didn't seem to go anywhere. It was just the two of us sitting there cleaning the litter box. Why is it important?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Do you hate cleaning litter boxes because you hate cats? Do you not know how to clean the litter box because this is actually your family's first ever cat? Do you not want to be in the same room with your sister because you hate her guts? Do you love your sister and this is bringing you together and you want to do everything she is doing?<br /><br />WHO CARES? </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Why does it matter?<br /><br />What do you feel?</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">These are so important. Every single second of our lives and interactions don't have to answer this, as well as my writing, but I feel like it's so good to think about.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">No one really cares about stuff and things. A way my teachers describe not giving a reason for being there, justifying the 'why,' not considering the relationship of the characters. Not putting together the exposition: who, what, where, why. All of that matters. It is tough to get together in a short little scene. Or a short piece of writing. But it matters. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">No one wants just stuff and things. I get it. Please tell me if I'm giving you too much of that. </span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-65749534113087905562017-06-14T21:33:00.001-07:002017-06-14T21:39:42.559-07:00Timbler on vacay<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Timbler the traveling man is on vacay. He has been with my friend for several weeks now.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm glad he gets a vacation! Don't we all need one sometimes?</span></div>
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<em> </em>It is hard to believe it is June. June! June is half the year has already happened and I can't believe it. June is summer is here and I am still working hard, but praying for time to be still and also to play hard, too. I've had some of those moments already and they have been sweet. There's something beautiful about the beauty that happens in summer, even if I am in the dessert and the intense heat seems to fight against the season. </div>
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You can't stop the change that happens when school lets out and it is just a little bit quieter. Things move a little bit slower. Maybe the dial goes down just a bit on the chaos in and around. Maybe we can once again learn and relearn rhythms and habits of peace even as everyday life still happens.</div>
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Timbler and his summer activities are a great reminder to have a little fun and go on some trips and adventures! Away from home and at home. Maybe even in the comfort of a friend's home, someone who will love on you for awhile! </div>
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</span><br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-65045024615215252052017-06-14T21:08:00.000-07:002017-06-14T21:16:50.361-07:00On haircuts<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Writing boot camp is real and it is happening. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">The first item of business is haircuts.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am in need of a haircut.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I used to see Tamera, who went to Seattle several months ago to be with <em>her </em>long-distance Nate. I can't fault her for that. We turned out to be living parallel lives, except I <a href="http://87coffees.blogspot.com/2015/09/the-storied-city.html">moved to Phoenix</a>. And I don't cut hair. But other than that.. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Tamera was a hair stylist/friend/<a href="http://87coffees.blogspot.com/2016/02/in-defense-of-coffee-and-purple-hair.html">character</a> in <em>87 Coffees</em><em>. </em>Needless to say, I forgot to ask Tamera who she would recommend for another good haircut because we were too busy saying good-bye and having an (almost) tearful moment when she said she was moving. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sigh.</span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is not life or death but good bangs are hard to find.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span><br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-26063314804097753892017-06-14T20:57:00.002-07:002017-06-14T21:01:09.612-07:00On writing bootcamp<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just like my improv bootcamp, I have decided I won't get anywhere with my writing if I don't sit down and just WRITE. I will do my own version of IMPROV WRITING BOOTCAMP. Let's make it a thing for the blog. I know this is typically where I write some form of 87 Coffees, but, let's be honest, I have been a procrastinator with that. <br /><br />Here's to actually recording spontaneous thoughts, adventures, and impromptu comedy in little snip-its before they leave my mind...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-11117567077027816812017-06-14T20:50:00.004-07:002017-06-14T20:54:15.117-07:00On improv bootcamp<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Last night I went to improv and we had an improv bootcamp of sorts. We called it that because we did something we normally don't do in improv practice. We had scene blast. Everyone on stage and then two people start for a super quick 15 second scene based on a prompt given by one of the three teachers. Then, the two go off stage with one of the teachers who gives quick notes and critiques of the scene. Meanwhile, the next two are on stage for a scene and it continues. Once the two are done with the notes, they are back on stage for another scene right away. It continues without stopping until everyone needs a break. Then, you jump to 30 second scenes. Then 1 minute scenes, which feels like forever.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It was a great workout. Fun. But it was also rough, too. I am used to taking a while to ease my way into things, seeing if I want to jump into a scene, maybe not being the initiator all the time. With these scenes, there was no 'getting into it,' you just had to go! Can't worry if you fail or look like a goof ball, just jump! What a good practice!<br /><br />In life, too, it's often easier to play our cards thoughtfully, and this can be helpful at times. But, there are moments to just go for it and be open to what the scene brings!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><br />Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-66275568923262489092017-02-28T19:30:00.001-08:002017-02-28T19:36:25.712-08:00Timbler is back<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been over a year since <a href="http://87coffees.blogspot.com/2015/09/timbler-traveling-man.html">Timbler the Traveling Man</a> has been home to Phoenix.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">A lot has happened in a year. Timbler is very excited to be back. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtIolMoR2nt-CiSHSa_SqIQTNJncS_YJbXzzV3_bXDXu6R_IusBLQQku_hSStABdXe6zlJQ5mZrHs9a1P7m72fLOR7f7fimF-e6wpFv8S4SKUa3UBUMh7CtVX0k7caEd0Y8c4g_yfhx37l/s1600/timblerplane.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjtIolMoR2nt-CiSHSa_SqIQTNJncS_YJbXzzV3_bXDXu6R_IusBLQQku_hSStABdXe6zlJQ5mZrHs9a1P7m72fLOR7f7fimF-e6wpFv8S4SKUa3UBUMh7CtVX0k7caEd0Y8c4g_yfhx37l/s320/timblerplane.png" width="239" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Timber left his home in Raleigh after saying goodbye to his other owner, Amy, and his many friends. He was ready to come back.</span></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQghxvRyOqHNpU6TUI53phkR7IoiShTGsCx9Voz8HCX_nH64-j-FrRnNxASyb9ogLXPRQs2HRr0wIE-LvZweaPyV6gzUEjf6etbhqcWnkaGJEnFu0JcPu6UXX5dakCuAOQD_CSaQeOiGuk/s1600/timblerbike.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgQghxvRyOqHNpU6TUI53phkR7IoiShTGsCx9Voz8HCX_nH64-j-FrRnNxASyb9ogLXPRQs2HRr0wIE-LvZweaPyV6gzUEjf6etbhqcWnkaGJEnFu0JcPu6UXX5dakCuAOQD_CSaQeOiGuk/s320/timblerbike.png" width="239" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Timbler has never been on a bike before. He wants to take a ride soon. The bike is new since the last time he was in Phoenix.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">For those who need a refresher on him, Timbler *hypothetically spends half his time in North Carolina and half his time in Arizona. When he is in either place, he goes on many adventures. He is a lucky fellow. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Timbler is energized but also tired from the past year in NC. The long plane ride was also pretty boring for him because most of the trip he was cooped up in a backpack. Timbler has missed his living space here, so he wants to spend a little quiet time just laying around and soaking it all in before he does anything too spectacular. He is pretty content just letting his human friends have adventures for now. When he does go on an adventure, he will be sure to let you know. </span></div>
Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-87225438850124812692016-09-05T22:57:00.006-07:002016-09-05T23:16:17.299-07:00In the new land of 87 Coffees - 1 year in Phoenix<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Almost exactly a year ago, I remember looking down at the ground and the soil beneath my feet in North Carolina and realizing that I was getting ready for a big change. I asked my friend who I was walking with if she thought everything would be really different in Arizona. The desert. The ground there. Me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><br />Not sure why the ground was so fascinating to me but there was something about the physical act of being in one place and then moving and being in a different land, on different ground, soil, dirt. Being planted somewhere different. Putting roots down again.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's been a year here already!! Woohoo! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am enjoying life and I don't think too much lately about the ground, or if I'm really different here or not. Every change changes a person and I think that's a good thing. I believe I am who I am supposed to be at this point in my life here, doing what I supposed to be doing. That brings my heart joy to be able to relax in that. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>87 Coffees</em> is all a part of the journey. I am excited that the stories have continued as I have lived here. I have found people to be so open and there are many experiences to be had with people in this new city. <br /><br />Vanessa and Cornell, I have not forgotten about you guys. Thank you for helping me get to the top of the mountain when I was tired and entertaining my breaks every ten minutes. It was quite an adventure meeting you and you should know from now on I properly hydrate when I hike in the summer. More on your story to come.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I am so grateful for all the coffees and new friends I have met this year. In year two in Phoenix, my goal is to evolve this story so everyone can actually read about their encounters! I know, amazing, right?! </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">You are faithful friends.</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-40756987829620661772016-05-22T22:35:00.002-07:002016-05-22T22:35:39.218-07:00Rough draft<span style="font-family: "courier new";">Tonight my phone went dead at Harris Teeter, which isn't too unusual.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">One of my cashier friends told me she was excited to be part of my book, you know because that's what I talk about when I see people. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">I almost ran her over tonight. We were talking as I was driving away and she kind of walked right in front of my moving car. She said "if you run me over, how are you going to have anything to write about?"</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new";">The good news is that there is a book in the making. Teresa was drawing pictures of dresses on receipts when I saw her tonight because she designs clothes. I asked her if she could design something for me and she said 'anything but those jeans! You're always wearing jeans.' </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">::: </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">What a short synopsis of many, many encounters with Teresa. This one from my drafts, never published. I was going back through to check out what I had still in there. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">More on Teresa later. I'm going back to North Carolina this week so that might encourage some tales to be further documented.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">It's amazing how much of our stories -- and us -- are still in rough draft form.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Courier New;">That's okay! Write it down, girl! (Me speaking to me, and you too, if this applies to you).</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-54783241890489905772016-02-06T17:23:00.000-08:002016-02-06T17:52:08.062-08:00In defense of coffee and purple hair streaks <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There are 75 things I could be doing right now, but on purpose I decided not to do any of them because what I needed to do was write for a few minutes. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I have interesting experiences with new friends (some people call them strangers) everyday and in this, I try and record the humanity and the connection behind the encounter. Sometimes this happens over actual coffee, sometimes we plan to have coffee to learn more, sometimes, what I call a 'coffee' is just the experience of meeting and knowing a new, unique person.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">When I moved to Phoenix in September, I had a completely blank slate calendar. This was a whole bunch of things: freeing, terrifying, exhilarating, confusing, exciting, and so utterly new and strange. Where do you go with a blank slate life? As a free spirited dreamer who seems to live with a realist deep inside her, I knew eventually and little by little all the things that actually make up a well rounded life would start to creep in again, and that's what started to happen, how dare those well rounded things! But that's what is needed for a person to feel grounded and connected. We need to start building routines and stability.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"><em>87 Coffees</em> often feels like what I do when I'm living the soulful, free-spirited, non-routine life, as I'm going in-between</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> one season or as I'm traveling from one place to the next. A lot of my 'adventures' for this book took place during last year when I was doing a lot of traveling. Now, I'm more planted, and starting to feel like it would be easy to get back to the day-to-day (which is needed), where I forget to see the adventure and beauty in simple moments all around me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I know God has wired me to be a little bit of an adventurous spirit. And to see the possibilities of getting to know people. There's so much wisdom if you let people and their lives teach you.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Today I saw Tamera who cuts my hair. It is worth noting that today she not only cut my hair she helped me live out my new inspiration to put color in my hair by putting purple chalk streaks in my hair. So. Much. Fun.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";"></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Tamera is a creative, too. She told me that she her interests change all the time so she can have something new to tell her customers.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">It seemed curious. Like she has a dual job, to tell stories to the customers. At least that's what she likes to do, I think. We think we'll try to get actual coffee sometime and she can tell me more.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">I'm glad I'm back to my focus with this book. I'm glad I'm back to meeting all the people with all the stories.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms";">Everyone can be a storyteller, if they want to be. Perhaps the world's best storytellers are disguised as cool hair dressers.</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5116675541596414777.post-13178827366945877042015-10-20T21:01:00.002-07:002015-10-20T21:23:59.166-07:00On friendship and improv<span style="font-family: "Trebuchet MS", sans-serif;"><em>"The show goes on not because it's ready but because it's 11:30."</em> <br /><br />Please don't ask me exactly where that quote came from. I have a terrible history with recording quotes without stating the author (this from a former journalist!). I think it was Emily Freeman. Probably. Or <a href="http://www.shaunaniequist.com/">Shauna.</a> It's usually one of the two.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I found it in an old journal and liked it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Speaking of shows going on, I met a new improv friend yesterday. As with most of my new friends in this new place, how is it that I often find myself sitting down with someone I have no connection with for coffee? It usually comes from a totally cryptic email conversation (typically on my part first) which in this case I can sum up by this:<br /><br />'I am interested in doing improv in Phoenix.' -me</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">'Great!' -improv teacher who answers random email</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">'I also want to work with kids and teach them improv!' -me</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><br />'You should probably learn more improv first.' -teacher</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">'Right. Can I meet the kids instructor and take it from there?' -me</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Fast forward to a few days later when I get to sit down with the total stranger who emails me that she has curly hair so I know who she is amidst all the dozens of people at the crowded coffee shop. It is such a fun time and I am reminded how much I get along with other people who like to make fools of themselves voluntarily. I invite myself to one of her classes that may not even exist yet. She invites me to help her with a possible support group/improv group that doesn't exist yet. Apparently, improvisers share the dreamers disease.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">I met one of my closest friends in the beginners improv class I took in North Carolina. She's definitely another coffee. I am fortunate enough to get to have Skype coffee meetings with her often while she is living far away doing mission work. When I moved to Arizona, one of the reasons I knew it was going to be okay when it felt strange being in a new place was because this friend had gone before me, and she was real and true and had seen me when I made a fool of myself, on and off the stage. And there's something beautiful about that. That understanding that foolishness is a necessary ingredient in improv... and friendship.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;"><em>I told my new friend yesterday that improv can still be scary to me because there are no scripts and it feels like a blank stage.</em></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Then I told her how I moved here without too much pulling on my agenda -- you know how we people like to fill up our agendas with all sorts of things like meetings and clubs and jobs.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">She laughed and said that if I could handle life in all its open ended blank state, I could handle a blank stage. Or something to the effect of, HOW IRONIC are you. You can do it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS;">Sometimes life empowers improv and improv empowers life and we muck through the fears and come out with lots of cool things, including friendship.</span>Julie on an adventurehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05712118729376967523noreply@blogger.com0